Exerpt from "If the Mountain Won't Come to Mohammed," by Ira Nayman.

 Today we present another excerpt from one of the nine stories that will be included in our next issue.  This one is by Ira Nayman.  It's called "If the Mountain Won't Come to Mohammed."  Enjoy!

 Why were they all there? All reality aspires to achieve a state of Monty Python, but some reality is better at it than others. “I want to fund you all to go on an expedition to scale Mount Everest,” billionaire playboy Martin Bowdiggin told them in his comfortably luxurious Vancouver office. “Why?” Pontoon had asked. “To look for the last team I sent on an expedition to scale Mount Everest,” billionaire science hobbyist Bowdiggin answered. The first team had vanished without a trace. And, while the phrase “without a trace” was usually used hyperbolically, in this case it was precise: satellite imaging of the route they had taken had turned up nothing. Not a single body. Not a single piece of equipment. Not a single piece of garbage - and, no matter how careful they were, everybody who climbed her left some garbage behind. It was spooky how clean Everest now appeared to be.

            “In their last transmission,” billionaire expositor Bowdiggin explained to the team, “they said that they had set up base camp and, except for the odd floating cow, nothing unusual had happened. The next morning, they didn’t make check in, and, when we tried to contact them, we got no signal.”

            “Could the floating cows have been rigged to explode?” Fincher blue skyed.

            “Doubtful,” billionaire buzzkiller Bowdiggin responded.


 If Ira Nayman existed, he would be a satirist who dabbles in science fiction. He would have two collections of Alternate Reality News Service (ARNS) stories, Alternate Reality Ain't What It Used To Be and What Were Once Miracles Are Now Children's Toys, in print. A third collection, Luna for the Lunies!, would be available in ebook format from Smashwords. All of the material in all three books would be available at his Web site, Les Pages aux Folles (http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca), as well as new material every week. "The Weight of Information," the pilot for an ARNS radio series, could be heard on YouTube. He would have written a separate series of short stories featuring Antonio Van der Whall, object psychologist, as well as a novel and two novellas featuring the Transdimensional Authority. Unfortunately, Ira Nayman can neither confirm nor deny his existence, so you’re on your own.